User Profile

My name is Stephanie. I have been conscious of my weight ever since about 7th grade. I am now a senior in high school. I have struggled with the pressure from media and peers and their idea of the preferable size. In middle school, I was not fat but I was not toned, in shape, and tan like the more popular girls. I began to "eat away my emotions" because I thought I could never be popular. I got up to about 133 pounds to a height of 5'4". I was exploding out of my clothes and it felt disgusting. I heard a lot of crap from my step-mother and my dad, which certainly did not help my self-esteem. So at the end of 10th grade I refused to eat anything besides a small dinner. Nobody could tell at first because I was quite sneaky about it. Eventually I was becoming more and more comfortable with my weight, but there were always those few more pounds that I had to get rid of. I made a dip from 133 pounds to 104 pounds. I saw it as a great accomplishment because it showed the extent of my will power and was one of the few things I could control. Once I got down there, my step-mom took me to see a doctor because my periods had stopped. The doctor reassured me my periods should return; it took about a year for them to return regularly. I continued my obsessive behavior by studying nutrition intently. That soon grew to be a little old, and I wanted to just eat again. I started having little binges because I didn't think it would make a difference since I was skinny. However, there is clearly a point when binges do not benefit appearance. This year I went back up to about 124 pounds. I felt like all the trouble I had gone to was a waste. So I started throwing up every once in a while. That soon became daily. Eventually I had a habit of puking between 5 and 10 times each day. I still have that problem and cannot go a single day without throwing up at least 3 times. I am wasting so much food and money on this dependency and it eats at me. I now weigh about 118 pounds and want to lose 10. It is wonderful to find a site like this where I can be so open. I haven't been this open to anyone and I would hope I can find the support here that will help me rebuild my self-esteem, overcome my obsessions, and simply lose 10 pounds.

Thanks,
Steph

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